My Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable


Question: I am in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man. He finds it very difficult to talk about his feelings, to share, moreover, he becomes offensive when I ask him how he feels, where our relationship is heading, what I mean to him. He thinks that these topics are not to be talked about, and I, as a woman, need to know the emotional status of our relationship.

He behaves like a teenager although we are both in our thirties. He does not want to introduce me to his parents and he feels anxious even at the thought of it. He gave me the phone several times and I talked to his mother for a short while. He is afraid that he will fail in this relationship with me.

There is no other woman, I even think he has not really had a serious relationship so far and obviously it scares him. Please help me reach the place where he hurts the most and heal him!

Eva Kuleva: Effective communication is a must for the success of a relationship. I believe that there are no forbidden topics in a fullfilling relationship. By refusing to talk about topics that your partner needs to discuss you are disregarding their needs.

It is naïve to believe that we can heal someone else. Remaining in a relationship with the hope that the other person will change is a common mistake people make that leads to disappointment. If you are not ready to accept your partner and your relationship as they are now, you‘d better find a partner you can accept and with whom you feel good.

Your choice to be with an emotionally unavailable man suggests that you are not ready for a mature relationship either. Do you believe there are men who openly share their intentions and feelings? Do you believe you deserve to be with such a man?

If the answer to the above questions is yes, you would hardly be willing to stay in a relationship with a man who is unable to satisfy your emotional needs.

I understand that you probably feel attached to him, that you have hopes for the future and feelings for him. But these are not good enough reasons to stay in an unsatisfying relationship.

As far as I understand, your partner needs professional help. And until he gets it, he can hardly be a good partner.

I recommend you to read Robin Norwood’s book, “Women Who Love Too Much”. I believe it will be useful to you.